This paper draws on research coming out of a participatory research project on the impact of self-advocacy on families. It initially addresses the question of 'What is an adult?', then looks at the relationship between adulthood and self advocacy. The paper lists factors which co-researchers believe should feature in a home life in which self advocacy is recognised and encouraged. The perceived link between self advocacy and adulthood is an important factor in parents' acceptance of their son or daughter's self advocacy. Factors affecting all families, such as age, sex, race and class will also play a part in determining the way in which the family member with a disability is perceived. Keywords: Families, Advocacy